Angelic Devil
by Emerald73
Summary: I had become the very thing my father tried to destroy. Could I exist without being a Demon? Story of Carlisle's life before Twilight. From birth till Twilight.
1. Preface

Emerald Angelic Devil 2009

**Preface**

"Destroy those who do the Devil's work." These were the words I had heard all my life. They were drilled into me relentlessly from an early age and yet I never felt quite the same way he did. I often wondered if he saw the Devil where it did not truly exist. Yet as I became aware of what had befell me I wondered if it there wasn't some truth in my father's words. As the thirst ripped its burning fire down my throat I knew what I had become. I was now a monster of the very worse kind. I was the taker of innocent lives, I was a vampire.

Then the thought occurred to me, I did not have to be this evil, this monster. I would end it here and now, but how?


	2. Divine Right

Emerald Angelic Devil 2009

**Chapter 1 - Divine Right**

I was born into a tragedy. The country was in chaos. The King was defending his very right to rule as the Long Parliament fought to over throw him. A plague once again tried to decimate London. Witch burning was in a fevered pitch as innocent people everywhere suffered from it mighty grip. More near and dear to me, my mother like many during this time did not survive my birth. Tragedies abound and yet life still seemed to move forward.

It was during the end of the second English Civil War that I was born. During this time the Long Parliament had gone against King Charles I. The end result was the beheading of Charles after a nine day trial. The trial was a humorous event as King Charles I behaved as if the court had no authority over him. He had Divine Right to rule and he felt that only God could take that from him. How wrong he was.

After this came Cromwell's rule but I was much too young during this time to really grasp what it meant. Things did not change for my kind. We were no better off under this man's rule then we were under the King. The poor never changed, our only Divine Right was to pay taxes and die.

Life proceeded to move on. As the poor we did not know much of what happened as we only received the fallout of others decisions. We suffered under Oliver Cromwell for ten years and then year under his son. Soon times changed and finally the Cavalier Parliament was elected. Times soon got better for us but another tragedy took the place of government unrest. For a year the Great Plague of London ripped families apart. The death toll ended with twenty percent of the population dying. It was a horrible time in London, but there were still worse things on the horizon.

During all this an evil much worse was happening everywhere. Witch hunts and burnings had placed the city in a death grip, one that took many years to escape. One might wonder how a pastor's son would be affected by such times but affected I was.

Witch hunts did affect me as my father who was an Anglican Pastor spent a great amount of his time pursuing this horrid time in history. He felt it was his Divine Right to find and stamp out evil in all its forms. Witches were at the top of his list. He would shout of their evils from his pulpit every Sunday while the congregation sat in fear.

The fear they felt was not from his words but more from the idea of who would be next. Many an innocent were accused of witchcraft and more often then not, they were murdered for such accusations. Yes I say murdered because in my mind even at this time I felt my father often saw evil where it didn't always exist. I felt that many of the accused were innocent but the methods to get them to confess more often then not took lives rather then force confession of evil doing.

Once I voiced my concern to my father. As you can imagine I was quickly slapped down and even accused of being possessed by evil my self. I spent a week locked in a closet with only a Bible for comfort; my father felt this would force the evil from me. It did cure me of ever speaking against my father but it never changed my mind. Everywhere I looked I saw the fevered grip of the times. If one were to covet his neighbors shop or home all he had to do was accuse said neighbor of witchcraft. If one had a fight with another, accusations flew. Every place I looked I saw plotting and fear.

Lastly my mother died in child birth. This event was not all that uncommon given the times and the lack of proper medical care. What made it so pivotal to my life were circumstances of her death. These circumstances are what made my father into the murderous monster he became.

Like many of the poor in these times it also was not uncommon for a midwife to aid in the birthing. As a pastor's family we did not have much money so proper medical care was unheard of. The poor could not afford a doctor so they relied on what was available to them. At this time midwives were often considered to be in league with the devil and when my mother died just after my birth my father flew into a rage against the midwife. It was his belief that she was a witch why else would my mother have died. Perhaps the midwife had promised Satan my mother's soul. I do not really know what my father thought but I was to live with the aftermath of her death for the next twenty-three years.

This was to be his first act as self proclaimed judge, jury and executioner of witches. As pastor to the small town where we lived just outside London, his words along with his Divine Right as a man of God brought this midwife and many others like her to their deaths. Soon his stance on witch burning gave him a greater power as many other towns and later larger cities called on him to aid them in ridding them of witches.

As I have said, he often saw evil were there was none and this soon clouded his mind. My father became obsessed in what is now called the Burning Times. It became his passion and also his downfall. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live," became his motto and he embodied it to the fullest. He got so caught up in this terrible time that he became someone who I did not know. I am certain my mother too would not know this man he had become.

Witches however were not the only ones to escape my father's notice. He soon found other forms of evil. Vampires, werewolves and demons were too soon his target. Much of his time was spent preparing for such battles. He would carve stakes out of wood and tip some with silver. He carved a huge cross too that later hung above his pulpit. He became a man possessed and in the end he paid dearly for it.

When I was 22 my father's health had deteriorated to the point he could no longer carry on his mission against evil. This did not stop him however. He had a son to carry on in his place. Did I not look like an angel come to carry out God's wrath? Had I not been trained all my life thus far to be the hand of God and obliterate evil? My father felt I was perfect to fill his shoes and so I was set on the path to becoming what he was.

Did I want this? Not really but what choice did I have? I made myself a vow then and there to not be the monster my father had been. I would find real evil, not imagined. I would not kill the innocent. I would save lives, not take them.


	3. Reborn

Emerald Angelic Devil 2009

**Chapter 2 – Reborn**

As my new life began I took my vow seriously. My father at first found no fault with me but as time went on he began to see that I did not seem to be finding as much evil as he knew to be out there. He told me that I was not looking hard enough at first but finally he would state that I was too soft. I was a disappointment to him because I was not as quick to accuse as he had been.

Regardless of what he thought, I was not soft. I was searching for the real evil I knew to be out there. I would not accuse the miller's wife of witchcraft just because the baker's wife held a grudge for her over some petty squabble. I would only concern myself with the kind of evil that came straight from Satan himself.

During this time our very own king was changing the religious policies of England once again back to Catholicism. The Secret Treaty of Dover would allow relaxed views on Catholicism and allow England to reunite with the Roman Catholic Church. This didn't change my life one bit as the Catholics were very much against witchcraft and evil as were the Protestants. Regardless of religious policy I still had a job to do.

Over time I searched for the true evil my father once spoke of and soon I was to find it. In the sewers of England I found a den of vampires. At last my father would be proud. I would show him I was capable by destroying this evil. I planned with my men and prepared them by all the old tales of how to kill a vampire. Finally one warm spring night in 1671, we were ready.

As I lie in wait for the monster to emerge from the sewers I felt the righteous power my father had spoke of in reference to killing such evil. At that moment I felt that maybe just maybe, he was justified in his self proclaimed roll as judge, jury and executioner of evil. Some evil was real and needed to be exterminated.

I motioned to my men, be ready. We watched and soon one such creature peeked out to see if the coast was clear. I again motioned for my men to wait so that all the creatures would emerge from the sewers. We did not know how many there were in this coven but I felt one was not enough so we waited.

Our patience was rewarded as three more emerged. I gave the signal and my men advanced. At first it seemed if the creatures didn't realize we were coming for them but then the old one who had first appeared figured out we were coming for them and he uttered something in Latin to the rest and then ran.

I gave chase as I was in my prime and very fast, I didn't know then he could have outrun me. Three of my best men followed me in pursuit. The creature soon turned on us. He came at me first and would have likely finished me off it my men would not have been there. They attacked the creature with torches and he turned on them too. I crawled away as I watched the creature kill two of my men and carry off the third. I knew I had been bit but still being alive I was at risk.

I crawled to a house and pulled myself into an open cellar window I found. The other vampires had disappeared back into the sewers as the rest of my men gave chase on the older one. He had fed so now he was strong. It didn't take him any time to get away. My men soon found their dead comrades and began searching for me as well. I knew I was doomed so I lay quiet till their voices faded away.

As I lay there with the fire spreading through my body I thought about what I knew of vampires. They killed the innocent, feeding on their blood. I did not want this life. I thought of going home to my father but knew what he would do. Burn the bodies and anything the creatures came in contact with. He would kill his own son.

Soon the fire became too intense to think of such things. All I could think about was not getting caught. This in mind I buried myself in a pile of rotting potatoes. Though I wanted badly to scream I kept myself from it. The fire was so intense I begged God for death. Please don't let me be this monster.

While the fire seared through my body, I began to notice I could hear things. My heart took up most of the sound but I could hear the goings on around me too. I could hear the people in the flat above me. I could hear the horses and carts outside. My heart however was the loudest. I briefly wondered if they could hear it outside.

My heart was speeding up as the fire spread through my body, no part of me was left unscathed. With each increase in temperature it seemed my heart responded. My heart and the heat reached a point were all I could do was count the seconds so that I would not scream out. 86400 seconds and I knew a day had past. I wasn't sure how long it had been since I was bit but by the fact that the window now showed night I was certain it had only been a little over a day. How long would this burning last?

I burned on it the next night and soon being to wonder if I wasn't in hell. Maybe I wasn't to become a vampire after all; maybe this was my own personal hell. I gave up counting at this point and just quietly thrashed wondering what I had done to deserve a place in hell. Was I to burn for all eternity for not finding the evil my father spoke of?

After the next day dawned I knew I was not in hell. I was changing into a vampire. I could see things such as the dust floating above me with such clarity that there was little doubt left in my mind of what I was becoming. I could feel strength in my body that wasn't present before. As the day slowly dwindled away I could also feel the fire slowly leaving my body. Ever so slightly it began in my finger tips and toes. Soon my hands and feet were free of the burn. As it inched up my arms and legs I could feel coldness in my limbs.

While the burning receded my heart took on a new cadence. With each inch of cooling skin my heartbeat would increase. As the fire left my arms and legs completely I also noticed my head was no longer burning. This allowed me to notice my heartbeat with new lucidity. It was beating so fast I couldn't understand how it could withstand.

Soon I realized the fire was heading straight to my heart. As each inch of my torso cooled my heart beat harder and hotter. I realized then the fire was going straight to my heart. All too soon it hit my heart and I heard it take its last beats. Then it sputtered twice and stopped. I knew then it would never beat again.

I lay there a bit longer slowly learning my new body. I had been reborn it seemed. I could feel strength in my limbs, I could hear sounds I never heard before and I could see things I never knew existed. Soon I knew what I was completely.

Looking up I found it was night again. I crawled to the window and looked out, seeing no one about I crawled out into the street. As I stood for the first time in this new body I was again reminded of the new strength in my limbs. Before I could dwell on this I found myself enthralled by a street lamp. With my new eyes the fire of the lamp took on a whole new complexity for me. I was lost in that simple flame for moments.

Suddenly a man stepped out onto his front stoop and the smell of him caught my attention. Before I could think a fire burning down my throat and I remembered what vampires do. They feed on the innocent. Not wanting to become this evil I turned and ran, not even realizing that my new found strength made this task much quicker then before.

It took seconds to run to the end of London and in less then minutes I was in the forests surrounding my home. As I ran I thought about what I had become. I did not want to be a killer. Soon I came upon a river and stopped. The old legends spoke of how a vampire couldn't cross running water. What was I to do? I had to get away.

I knelt down by the river and in the pale moon light I saw my reflection. I gasped at the beauty I saw there. I looked even more so like an angel. I marveled at my reflection for minutes lost in it. I was not a vain man but my senses were now heightened so I could easily get distracted in my own beauty. Then the thought occurred to me, I had been reborn into an angelic devil. Had not Lucifer himself been the most beautiful of all angels before his downfall? It made perfect sense that I too would be beautiful.

As I said we are easily distracted. I was soon lost in my reflection again but this time it was not just my self I was looking at. The flow of the water held my attention. I could see it with such clarity. I saw the rocks and dirt on the bottom of the river, picking out each grain. Ever so often a fish would swim by and my attention would divert to them. I could pick up all the colors in them. I was fascinated.

Lost as I was in this new world I was soon wrenched from it by the fire in my throat. I quickly looked up to see a carriage crossing the river. The scent of human blood took me completely by surprise. I could smell them and hear the blood pulsing through their veins. The monster in me roared and I knew then if I didn't want to kill them, I had to run. Forgetting about the rule about vampires and running water I took off across the water in a dead run away from the innocent. I would not take a life.


	4. The Unforgivable Sin

Emerald Angelic Devil 2009

**Chapter 3 – The Unforgivable Sin**

As I ran I became conscience of the fact that I was not breathing. This stopped me so fast that I actually tumbled to a stop. Later I would learn that such things were unheard of in a vampire as we are graceful never clumsy. Now though, my mind was filled with this new fact. I was not breathing. I wondered had I taken a breath in a while. Surely my lungs needed air so I took a deep breath in and was quickly surprised that I did not feel relief in the breath. What I did feel or rather smelled and tasted was the scents all around me.

I quickly learned that while we did not need to breathe our very breaths had heightened other senses. I could smell so many things at once and yet my mind quickly picked the lot apart and told me what each was. There were a few smells I did not know but most came to me in quick flashes and then on to the next. I could smell the fresh earth as well as the bark of the trees. There was one strange smell I was not certain on but my racing mind did not let me pause too long on it.

I soon smelled the scent of blood but this time I could tell it was not human. Animal my mind quickly decided but what kind I did not know. The smell was not as appealing it seemed as it only aroused a slight burn in my throat. I stood for about a half an hour just examining all the scents I could. Had anyone seen me I they would have thought I was crazy as I stood in this open meadow sniffing the air.

Finally one scent reached me and the flames almost licked at my tongue in my need for blood. I realized that I still smelled the humans I ran from at the river, not realizing I had ran so fast I was still less then a mile away from them. I took off in a shot again away from them. I would not kill them.

I ran through the forest now breathing in and out every minute or so to know when I reached a town. When I would start to get a strong flame in my throat I would know to turn away and run around the town. The very thought of killing a human went against everything I was taught but it was more then that. Deep down I had a compassion for human life, which was the reason my father thought me a disappointment. I abhorred taking an innocent life. This in mind is what made me stay away from any place I could smell them. I would resist.

Dark thoughts soon crept in. What if I could not resist? I was so shaken by the thought that I stopped, once again to quickly and tumbled once more. After I picked myself up for the second time tonight I pondered this dark thought. What if I could not resist and took an innocent life? This hurt me so deep inside that my next thoughts were horrible. It was like my life flashing before my eyes, only it was a horrible future life instead. I saw mounds of bodies before me all crying one thing, "Innocent."

The very idea of this rocked me to my core. I knew my heart was dead now like the rest of me and therefore should not feel pain but nonetheless I felt a razor sharp pain in it. This dark horrid future made me hurt in the only way a vampire could feel. Conscience.

At that moment is really when I realized I must still have my soul but that was not what spurred my next thoughts. The compassion for human life is what made me decide to kill myself. Had I of been thinking of my soul I would not have considered it as I was taught suicide is the unforgivable sin.

How would I kill myself? Sunlight, crosses, stake to the heart, fire and even holy water. I quickly remember too that the one about running water was not true as I felt my wet clothing so which ones would work? I quickly decided on the sunlight as I knew dawn would be coming soon. I wondered to my self would I be able to hold long enough in the sunlight for it to do the job. I had this feeling self-preservation might kick in.

I reached the cliffs of Dover well before the dawn. As I stood on the cliff looking down suddenly inspiration struck me and without a second thought I launched myself over the edge. As I fell I prayed for death when my body struck the rocks below. This however is not what I found at the bottom.

What I did find was the burning pain of the venom healing my broken body. It was not as bad as my transformation but it was intense. While I lay healing I came to the conclusion that this idea was not going to work. After a while I could see the approaching dawn so I went back to my first plan. Surely success was in my grasp as I still could not move my broken body well enough to get away from the dawn.

I lay there healing and burning and quickly got caught up in the sound and smell of the sea and land around me. My kind is easily distracted and so I soon found a way to bare the pain. Listening I could hear the sound of wild life around me again. I could smell their blood and wondered at the thought that this time the burn was a little stronger.

I could also smell human blood again but it was a bit farther away and in my weakened state I did not have to fight so hard. The burn however was about the same as the animal scent. I did not have time to ponder this long though as a new sound took its place. I quickly found I was hearing life out in the sea. I could not tell what it was but I knew it came from there. Soon my mind raced on to the next thought as I turned to study a movement I saw.

A wave had washed some creature up on to the banks and it was quickly making its way back to the sea, crabs I saw. I watched the sea for a while longer before I saw the sun begin to rise. At first it only peaked over the horizon and when I did not burn I decided I might need a more direct blast of its rays. I closed my eyes and awaited death.

I lie there welcoming death while I took in my last thoughts. My mind was ablaze with ideas. Everything from sounds, to scents to even private musing filled my mind. I got so lost that the sun was fully risen and shining down on me before I knew it. When I realized it, I tensed for the pain.

300 seconds later I felt nothing and my eyes popped open. My mind quickly stored the fact that this too was a falsehood. The sun did not burn us. What it did took me many more moments to realize. I suddenly saw a flash of sparkle and turned my head towards it expecting to find some object responsible for this flash but what I found caused me to actually jump up and my freshly healed body stumbled once more. The cause of this sparkle was my own arm. It looked as if diamonds had been pressed into my skin.

After picking myself up once more I stood in the sunlight and looked over my body. Every inch of skin I could see that was not covered was sparkling. I wished for a mirror to see my face. Abruptly the flames in my throat overwhelmed my and I knew it was a human. My resolve still strong drove me to run for the ocean before I realize the human was not actually close.

This fact did not stop me after I figured it out but a new idea took over and I swam out further. I would drown myself. Forgetting about the breathing exercise earlier I was determined this would work. I swam out about a mile and then dove deep into the sea. I found that my dead body did not rise as well to the top and this aided me in finding the bottom quickly. Once there I held onto a large rock and waited.

900 seconds later I was still alive. So we could hold our breaths a long time. This would not work so I tried breathing in the water. While it did not feel right it did not harm me either. The worse part was the taste. That was uncomfortable. While it had the salty taste of blood it more turned my stomach like something rotten I had eaten.

Finally I gave up on the drowning idea realizing it was not going to kill me. As I swam to the surface I instinctually knew I had to remain inconspicuous to the humans so I swam to back over where the waves were touching the cliffs having spotted a cave. It was higher up then the water but I somehow knew I could climb to it.

I spent the rest of the day hiding from the humans. I mused again over everything while I waited for night. I thought about everything I had learned thus far and how thus far every thing I had learned about vampires was proving to be myth. This caused me to wonder at how my father had killed the vampires he claimed to have killed. Did he lie?

This thought upset me but it also caused me to wonder what would kill a vampire. I was beginning to fear all the myths were just that. I fell in to a despair thinking I was doomed to become a monster. I had to end my existence before someone was killed. I could not bare the thought of taking a human life regardless of my need.

With this idea came nightfall and I quickly slipped from the cave and back up the cliff to return to the forests. I would stay as far away from humans as I possible could. I decided then and there to starve myself to death. I needed to eat to survive as a human so this had to be the key to death in my new life. If I did not drink, I would surely soon cease to exist.


	5. A New Vision

Emerald Angelic Devil 2009

**Chapter 4 – A New Vision**

I roamed the forests for months in my quest to not kill. I never neared death but I wished for it. The burning in my throat at first was not the problem. I could stand it and even run from the cause if need be. At first it was not unpleasant no, but as time passed it grew.

At first only close animal even caught my attention but a human to close was too much to bear. I could still run from them but the flames were intense. I learned quickly the best places to hide in the forests that usually kept me far from my prey. I only stumbled across them occasionally in my muse filled wanderings where I was not paying attention and forgot to breath.

Once I stumbled upon a carriage full of nobles. The dark thirst spoke to me first this time and whispered evil thoughts to me of how they deserved it. They were very likely less innocent because they were nobles. The poor humble upbringing was to blame for that idea but the angel on my shoulder reminded me of my compassion for life and my desire for death and I was able to once more turn away and run.

After the first month I was feeling very near to death or so I thought. Surely I could not last much longer. My throat was now a constant flame that would not go away. I was starting to feel a weakness in my limbs that left me staggered for hours to the point I would just lie in the grass. Surely death was closing in.

Close to the end of two months I knew death was not opening its arms to me. I was once again barred from the sweet oblivion of death. Starvation was not how I was to leave this new life. The only thing that came about from my efforts was that I was now almost stark raving mad.

I would often find myself raving madly over the reasons for this self imposed hell I had brought on us. I say us because the monster inside now had a strong voice. He was the dark whispers I had originally heard but my thirst had given him strength. I found in that moment my kind are the embodiment of split personalities if you will.

This is also when the first thoughts of a soul entered into my thinking but only in that I seemed to have a conscience. I reasoned that it was similar to the angel and devil on your shoulder idea also. The monster inside growled darkly at such thoughts because those thoughts led to compassionate thoughts which led to the restraint it hated.

Soon however I was completely mad. The monster had taken over for the most part so the other side had to retreat to the weakness now in my whole body to keep its agenda. I was now ready to kill but too weak to hunt. I briefly thought death might come but when it did not show after a week I lost all control.

A heard of deer happened close to my still form due to some luck of the wind. In less then 1.5 seconds the monster took all control and I attacked one a few feet from me. I fed on the first quickly and then hunted more. As I drank at a much slower pace from my forth deer a new idea took root. Quenching my thirst had silenced the monster down and my other side began to take back over.

Had I not eaten venison in my human life? The blood of the deer was no less then the same. The blood was often wasted anyway so why not allow these animals to feed me once more but in a different way. The body would feed some other animal in the forest thus completing the cycle of life and death.

This existence would allow me to live and not kill innocent people. Perhaps I could live again amongst humans. I knew this plan would require much planning and testing but I felt certain I had found a way to live. If I could survive off the blood of animals I could not become the monster I feared. I did not have to be the evil my father tried to abolish.

After I gorged on my fifth deer I felt stated. I felt ready to take on the world again. I did not know if I could withstand humans but I felt reasonably certain I was closer to my goal. I began to make plans but my ever changing mind was rapidly out of control thinking of all the possibilities I had ever dreamed of and some I had yet to dream of.

I knew I wanted human contact but my uncertainty at my reaction and strength made me proceed with caution. I fed up to the point of over indulgence and tried my luck out on a small village near by. I decided to first get close enough to where the burn started and then push to see how close I could get. This also caused me to breathe a lot more thus aiding in appearing more human.

My first try was quite the success as I found I could walk down the very streets of the town. As long as no one came within about ten to fifteen feet of me I could keep my composure and suppress the monster. He growled when someone got close but otherwise his only presence was a slight burning reminder of the flames I found to be my faithful companion when near humans for my first hundred years or so.

I tried hard to appear human as I was very familiar with the signs of a vampire. I swung my arms and slowed my pace to a very leisurely stroll. The looks I did receive were more likely to do with my clothing I realized later then anything not human. I left the town in such a joyous rapture that it took me moments to understand the looks I received where because of my state of dress.

I was thinking of how they whispered to one another and noticed sneers of disgust. I heard one lady mutter something about dirty scum and how the town would surely be robbed tonight. This led me to look closer at myself and I soon saw I did look like that. I was a mess.

My clothing was filthy and torn. I smelled myself for the first time and learned that one of the rotten smells I had begun to notice but had not figured out was none other them my own self. My clothes were beyond saving and I needed a bath. The bath part was easy as I had the river available to me but where to get clothing. I then remembered seeing a cottage at the end of town with laundry hung on a line. My sharp mind recalled every detail with perfect clarity and I knew there was men's clothing on that line. I even knew them to be close to my size.

I crept back to town near to the home I had in mind. I breathed deeply and noted no humans seem to be near. Quickly I made my way to the line and took what I wanted. As I did this I noticed around me and decided that no one was home. This made me braver so I crept close to the window. It was open a few inches so I tested the air. Again no one inside so I decided to test it.

I opened the window further and climbed inside. I was not there to rob these people so I only took what I would need. Quickly I found a brush and some soap. As I passed the mirror on the chest of drawers I saw my true reflection for the first time. I was shocked of course by my appearance because I looked like a dirty waif but what took me off guard the most was my eyes.

They were not the same brilliant blue I remembered. They were dull red and I could tell they were still turning. I did not know at this time that they would soon turn a golden brown with my new diet so I was alarmed. This presented a problem with my new found ideas of mingling with the humans. I needed to rethink this plan more.

I heard humans approaching before I smelled them and quickly assessed how close they were. I made my way back to the window I had entered. Checking to see if I was in the clear, I climbed back out and took the items I had stolen and made my way back to the forest so fast I knew they had never seen me. They were never the wiser as to my presence except for the fact they would notice the missing items later.

I made my way back to the river and placed the items I had taken on a rock. Next I stripped and walked into the water with the soap I had stolen. The water felt so good I washed myself twice and then just swam in the water for many more moments. Finally I decided I was clean and made my way to the edge where I had left everything and sat on the rocks.

My mind was ablaze with the knowledge of my eye color. Was I again doomed to solitude? I briefly thought of killing myself again but knew that it just might be a futile effort. I had tried drowning, falling from great heights, sunlight and starvation; at this point I was sure nothing short of extreme measures would work and I did not have it in me now to take those.

I gave up and begin dressing in the clothing I had stolen. That is when I noticed a small mirror had gotten mixed in my bundle along with the other items I had stolen. I took it and looked once more at my eyes. Despair shook me and I tossed it from me, cracking the glass in the process. It was too much to bear the idea of being alone without anyone.

Finally I gave up my musing as night fell. I took the glass, brush and soap back to place where I had been spending my nights when I was not prowling or hunting and hid them under a rock. I then went hunting to sooth the fire that had been licking my throat since I entered the town. Once that task was done I lay down to think some more. I had to make this work or I would go insane. I could not spend eternity alone.


	6. Vision Redefined

Emerald Angelic Devil – Chapter 5 Vision Redefined 2009

**Chapter 5 – Vision Redefined**

I spent the next month perfecting my new diet. If I fed well I could walk amongst humans without the fire, at night of course due to my eyes. In my wanderings I had acquired a cloak which helped shield my face from view while I walked the town. I also found I could sell the deer I had killed to various families. I had to learn to gut them so there would be a reason for no blood.

During this time of learning I found an interest in the anatomy of the animals. As I gutted then I studied the parts and my curiosity grew. I purchased a book on the anatomy of animals and was quickly learning what each part and function was. Looking back now I see how archaic these manuals were but at the time it did not matter to me. I was learning and that was all that mattered now.

As I wandered I begin to notice I never saw others of my kind. I wondered if the ones in the London sewers were the only ones but something else told me that could not be true. There had to be others out there but at this time I was more concerned with living among the humans then my own kind.

With the sale of the meat I was starting to amass a small fortune. Never really having money before now I did not know what to do with it so I just saved it mostly. I spent what I needed when I needed something but mostly I just saved. I knew it might come in handy at some point.

While I was doing all these things I was also learning other things too. I started to pick up conversations about the goings on of the times. Before now they never really interested me; I was too busy before with my quest to rid the world of evil. Now however I was interested in everything going on around me.

I learned that just after my rebirth a man named Thomas Blood had tried to steal the Crown Jewels but was caught because he was to drunk to pull of the heist. He was imprisoned but later pardoned and then sent into exile by the King himself. I wondered at this but quickly forgot it as new information was always available.

I learned all I could about the resent past that affected our land as well. Some items were trivial such as the famous highwayman; Claude Duval was captured and executed the year before my change. I also learned more about this Treaty of Dover which people seemed to fear. I could understand this as our lands had been ripped apart by religion many times in the past.

England's return to the Catholicism was certainly a concern. Would Protestants be persecuted once more? I worried briefly for my father, but soon other matters took over my attention. There was still much to learn and I moved onto other topics.

One night I was planning to head to a new town I had not yet visited to see what I could learn there. I cleaned up and changed clothing. After this I took up the mirror once more to make sure I was presentable. What I saw there floored me and I once again stumbled back and tripped over a log. Was I ever going to stop doing that I wondered but then the image of the looking glass reclaimed my attention and I had to search around me realizing I had dropped it?

I found it and saw that it was cracked even more. I would need a new one soon I thought as I looked in the glass once more. What I saw made me ecstatic. My once red eyes had now taken on a more human shade. They were still unusual but they could pass for human with their golden brown hue. I stared from many angles making sure it was not a trick of the light.

Finally I was convinced so I put the mirror away with my stuff. The trip to town was currently forgotten as my past vision reclaimed my attention. I could now do what I had originally planned. As I thought on this I knew my vision had changed. Now I knew and wanted so much more out of life. It had become a vision redefined.

I knew it was time now to make plans for the future. I would need more money and a better understanding of the rest of the world as I planned now to travel and learn all I could. I was obsessed now with knowledge and traveling was the only way to get it.

I knew my limitations at this point also so I had to figure out how to over come them. Sunlight was one of my biggest problems. I could walk around in my cloak during the day but that seemed to attract attention too. Another issue I had was I still was not able to enter places when too many humans were inside. The smell of their blood still drove me mad. I could handle one or two but more then that and I would practically run from the establishment nearly giving away my true nature.

Acting totally human seemed to be another problem I had. I had learned to walk slow and swing my arms to appear human but I found that if I was caught off guard by something that caught my interest, I would stand too still. I also sometimes forgot myself when I laughed and my voice would rise to a level that attracted attention. I would have to fix these faults before I could realize my goals.

Over the next month I spent a great amount of time watching humans. I would feed up and then head to whatever town I had not been to in the last few days. I wore my cloak and gloves on sunny days and once when a lady asked me about it, I replied that I was allergic to the sun. She smiled at this thought and did not question me further. She then asked me to have tea and by her smile I could tell she included more in that invitation.

While I had no plans to do what she might suggest I was intrigued by her invitation. Could I play the social vampire? It took me only seconds to decide, my goal in mind made me say yes. I followed her to her home studying her all the while. This was a learning experience was it not?

We sat for tea and I found I could distract her enough to slowly empty my cup into a plant nearby. I hoped tea would not kill it as it was lovely. I declined her offer for cakes stating I had already eaten. It was true so I did not feel so bad about the falsehood. We chatted about many trivial things as we sat there. Once her cup was empty she turned once more to me and I knew her mind as sure as if I could read it.

She found me appealing and wished to further our relationship. Before I knew what happened she was on my lap kissing at my neck. The feeling was intense but not as much as the burn in my throat. I heard her murmur that my skin was cold as she tried to warm it. I lost myself for a moment in the sound of her heartbeat. I could also see the blood pulsing through her veins, the monster inside roared in victory as I lowered my head to her neck.

Over his roar I saw my vision crumble. I could not allow this to happen so I jumped up a little to quickly. She fell to the floor but came up spitting. I backed away explaining I was sorry. Before she could make too much of a fuss, I made for the door thankful we were alone. I ran from her house and then back into the forest. I had to get away from the humans before I lost my focus.

Later after I calmed down I looked on this as a learning experience. I already knew I was appealing to human woman so keeping a distance from that type of woman was a must. I would be more careful in the future so that I would never be put in that situation again. So I would not be tempted like that. It was almost too much to bear but I had won.

Finally I stored this new found information with the rest and finalized my plans for the future. I knew what I wanted and what to do to attain it. My only undecided factor was where to start. Remembering where I was suddenly I knew where I would start. After collecting my stuff, I made my way back to the cliffs of Dover. I would swim the English Channel into France.


	7. Doctor Cullen

Emerald Angelic Devil – Chapter 6 2009

**Chapter 6 – Doctor Cullen**

France 1671. What a time to be a vampire. By now my eyes were a lovely shade of gold, not entirely human but not vampire in the least. I could now pass for human especially at night. I had found that the people of this city looked more at who you seemed to be then who you really were.

I found that the money I had saved could buy me nice clothing and thus I fit in. I found a butcher I could sell my catch to on a regular basis. He thought I was a trapper of sorts and was glad for the meat to sell in his shop. I left him thinking whatever it was that he wanted as long as I made money.

Soon I found that France was full of wondrous delights I had never dreamed possible in my old life. Some of the delights would have been considered sinful by my father, which drew my interest all the more. Having been deigned so much all of my life made me now engross myself to the extreme. I was like a kid in a candy shop.

I found the opera to be grand. Every performance found me in a box seat listening to the words I did not understand but understanding the whole performance as it was played out. Later I learned the language but for now I was enthralled with the sound. I learned that my hearing was much better then it had been in my previous life and this allowed me to enjoy life much more than before.

I came to notice sounds that I had missed before with my weak human ears, some simple, but some more complex, such as a heartbeat. I could tell the difference between the young and the old. I could hear when a heart was labored in its beats such as with an obese person or what I came to learn later as a heart condition. These were not the only sounds my weak human ears had missed however.

I soon learned I could hear conversations that were not meant to be heard. Secrets passed between lovers or in conspiracy. I learned a great deal about people with this great power as I considered it. I was able to learn things about people to help further myself with those of importance. Soon I had made my way into the higher class society just by listening.

Great hearing was not the only thing I learned I possessed. Soon I also found my eye sight had greatly improved. I could see things from great distances as well as seeing things more intricately as I had discovered upon my rebirth. I could stare for hours at something such as a painting seeing much more then I had ever before. I could pick up everything such as brush stokes, even being able to tell you were the painter had covered mistakes.

I also found I possessed great strength. I actually had to be careful when dealing with humans because I could easily crush a hand or shoulder. If I did not control myself; a simple pat on the shoulder could easily end in disaster. This I discovered after only one mistake where I broke a man's hand. This lesson aided my assimilation rather quickly.

These were not the greatest of my abilities in my opinion. I felt that my compassion for human life had increased tenfold and this is what allowed me to not take a life. This compassion I felt aided me in keeping to my diet of animals. After about six months of my new life, I found the scent of humans did not tempt me unless I had not fed that day. This compassion along with a series of events led to my decision to become a doctor.

I had already found an interest in anatomy with my strange diet but as of yet had not discovered my true calling. One night I came across a man who had been stabbed in an alley. I smelled the blood before I found the man. As I came upon him, I knew his life was draining away with each beat of his heart. The compassion for his life took over as I knelt over him examining his wound and I never once felt the urge to feed. I did not notice this till later as my only concern was to save him.

Quickly I worked using my neck cloth to make a tourniquet, stanching the flow of blood. I then carried the now unconscious man to my home. Once there I poured over my books on anatomy and soon found out how to mend the vein and stitch the wound. Once I had the blood stopped I removed my make-shift tourniquet and was delighted when no more blood flowed from the wound.

I cleaned the man up and left him sleeping in my bed as I had no use for it anyway since I had also found I did not sleep. I left the man to recover and went to feed as the smell of his blood had finally started getting to me. Once I was well feed I stopped by a friend's home to beg a bit of food and wine telling her of my nights events. She gave me the food gladly but warned me to be careful as the man was of a lower class and possibly dangerous.

I returned home to find my patient still unconscious. I checked his wound once more and found some seepage but nothing to indicate he was still losing blood. I cleansed the wound and redressed it before taking my leave once more. After I paced quietly pondering what I had just done. At first all I could think of was how I had withstood the lure of his blood.

Not knowing any other vampires I did not know this was a great feat. I only knew how much human blood tempted me and that I did not want to kill. I felt pride in myself at the thought of how I had not killed anyone. Then the thought occurred to me that I had not even noticed his blood till right up to the end. I marveled at how my only thought was to save his life, not take it.

As I pondered this I heard him stir and went to check on him. As I entered the room, I saw he was awake and when he saw me he began to try to get out of bed. I quickly reassured him he was safe and I meant him no harm, the opposite in fact. I explained how I had found him and saved his life, telling him of all I had done. He seemed impressed that someone of my assumed class would care enough to save someone of a lower class.

I brushed off his compliments and told him of my own humble origins. As the days passed and his wounds healed, we became friends. He told me his name was John and of his life and I did the same. He would laugh at the stories I told of my witch hunting days and marvel at how I had changed my station in life as he called it. He was impressed but when I told him how but when I mentioned he could do the same; he scoffed at me and told me not everyone could pull off this great feat.

I never told him I was a vampire but he soon guessed I was different. After he was healed he came to me and told me he knew I was special and different but that he did not want to know any specifics. I was floored by this but his next request hit me like a ton of bricks. He asked if he could stay on with me. He suggested a position such as a butler or valet but we both knew he would be more than that.

I considered his request and decided that I would make a go of it. I had my own conditions such as he would lead an honest life from here on in to which he readily agreed. I also asked that otherwise he lead his normal life as I really did not require the services he offered. Companionship was more important to me. He agreed and life went on.

Soon however news of how I had saved his life spread and I found people began coming to me for basic medical treatment. I figured John told people of how I had saved him and sent them to me as he had begun to call me Doctor Cullen. It did not take me long to find my true calling in this life. I would be a Doctor.


End file.
